Episode 10: A New Look at Fawning and our Survival Strategies with Aundi Kolber

attachment fawn grief liminal spiritual abuse therapy trauma Sep 03, 2024

Most of us are familiar with fight, flight, and freeze. "Fawn"" may be a newer one for many of us. I first learned about the fawn response from Aundi’s incredible book, Try Softer. She describes it as “becoming whatever the abuser or potential threat needs to see from you to see that you are not threatening.”

I immediately knew it was one of my primary trauma responses, and it shocked me to look back and see just how often I’d done it. And I felt shame for it.

Aundi graciously offers a new and kinder way to see it.

We talk about what it looks like to be survivor-centered in our work, reframing our fawn response, and moving toward internal integration and wholeness. Aundi also shares a preview of her session at the upcoming Broken to Beloved Gathering on September 26 in Richmond, VA.

If you want to know what it looks like to heal after harm, this episode’s for you.

download Episode Transcript 📄

Quotes 💬

If trauma fragments, then healing integrates.

The harder we push, the more stuck we get.

Healing usually needs to be the opposite of, or at least different than the harm. So if harm meant it was happening below your awareness, without your consent, faster than you wanted, part of healing is going to be tuning into your body, slowing it down, and making sure that you know that in every single step of the way that you have choices.

When someone has been harmed by past relational experiences, it’s so important that they are as empowered as possible to honor what they need.

You can’t white knuckle yourself into healing, like it’s literally going to actually sink you deeper.

We have a saying in our marriage, which is that I, as from the desert, could be technically right, but relationally wrong.

Episode Resources and Links

I Shouldn’t Feel This Way by Dr. Alison Cook on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
It’s Not You by Dr. Ramani Durvasula on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker on Amazon
As Long As You Need by JS Park on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Grieve, Breathe, Receive by Steve Carter on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Broken to Beloved Conference info and registration
Broken to Beloved Gathering info and registration

Use promo code PODCAST10 to get 10% off your in person or live stream ticket today! Offer expires Friday, 9/13.

Guest Spotlight

Aundi is a licensed professional counselor and the best selling author of the critically acclaimed Try Softer™, Try Softer™ Guided Journey and her newest offerings: Strong like Water and Strong like Water Guided Journey.

She has received additional training in her specialization of trauma- and body-centered therapies and is passionate about the integration of faith and psychology.

As a survivor of trauma, Aundi brings hard-won knowledge about the work of change, the power of redemption, and the beauty of experiencing God with us in our pain.

Website | Instagram

Try Softer on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Try Softer Guided Journey on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Strong Like Water on Bookshop.org | on Amazon
Strong Like Water Guided Journey on Bookshop.org | on Amazon

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Broken to Beloved is a 501(c)3 nonprofit that works to provide those wounded by spiritual abuse and religious trauma with practical resources moving toward healing and wholeness, and to provide pastors and church leaders with resources to grow in trauma awareness and implement safeguarding practices. Get more information or give a tax-free donation here.

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